My experiences and observations commuting on the long island rail road. To sum it up, What a Dump..

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

The Morning Snore..

During the morning commute.. things generally aren't so bad. Aside from the jackass ticket puncher last week and the occassional 'equipment failures' the mornings are OK. Generally, i'm passed out within 20 minutes and don't wake up until i'm in the city.

But.. somedays, i'm unlucky when it comes to the seating lottery. On the train, you pick your seat. Usually because it's open, then you go on down the line depending how crowded the train is. I get on the first stop, so usually there is some space for me to choose. This is where the morning snore may hit. Sometimes you choose wisely, sometimes you don't. Both yesterday and today i did not choose wisely. I should have looked at who was sitting behind me before i chose my seat. I wasn't thinking ahead. The fat unkept men i sat in front of the last 2 days were key indicators that the mornig snore might hit. and it definitely did. I'm sitting there, trying to fall asleep.. and of course these fat bastards fall asleep before i do and proceed to snore at amazingly annoying levels.

There goes my shut eye. There is no way to fall asleep when someone right behind you is choking on their own flem in waves every 45 seconds, mixed in with the normal breathing pattern snore. it's just not possible. So what can i do about it? one day i got so angry i threw something at the offender's face.. he didn't move. So now, i'm just taking pictures of you assholes and i will begin the morning snore club.

This is for the benfit of anyone who must commute and can not stand the rudeness of a sloppy individual that can not keep their disgusting habits at home. If you see one of these people listed in the snore club.. find another seat. You have been warned.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Thank You Long Island Rail Road Ticket Puncher

I just want to send a big thank you out to the asshole ticket taker on my train this morning. You see.. i buy a monthly pass to ride the Long Island Rail Road. This helps cut down the daily costs of commuting. However, it's still expensive for the month. As much as a car payment for sure. Anyway, for the first time in 7 months, i forgot my monthly ticket. I realize this when chief dickhead comes to check.

I say, "Oh man.. i forgot my monthly pass!"

He looks at me like he gives not a shit, then shrugs his shoulders.

I say, "So you're going to make me pay huh?"

He looks at me like i'm a complete ass and puts his hand out like he doesn't have time for this.

Completely aggravated, i take out 20 bucks, becuase it costs $18 one way, which includes a $5 surcharge for buying your ticket on the train and not at a machine.. and i toss the money on the seat closest to him. I'm in a 3 seater, with no on else in the row.

King douchebag did not like this tossing of the money. So what does he do? he punches my ticket and throws it at me. The ticket then falls behind the seat into a very nasty abyss where no one will stick their hands.. He then proceeds to make my $2 change and throws that at me as well. Which also falls into the nasty abyss.

What excellent customer service you have LIRR ticket punching asshole. Is it that hard to understand that i already paid out the ass for a monthly ticket, that i might not be so happy when you bang me $20 for something i already paid for? Have a little understanding.

Another thing to note.. we have the same ticket guys pretty much everyday. It was no more than 3 days ago i saw this same ticket punching dick allow some poor young lady who forgot her monthly pass a 'free' ride. I guess my lack of cleavage makes a big difference on whether or not you provide your customers with some understanding.

Here's to you king asshole ticket puncher.. you represent the Long Island Railroad exactly how i expect you to!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Instant Style - Indentity Crisis

It's a funny thing working in New York City.. Especially when I'm commuting from south shore, central long island. About 1 hour just to get into the city.. this does not include driving to the train, taking the subway, walking from the subway to work or riding up the slowest elevator on earth to finally get to the office, but i digress.

The phenomenon i'm talking about here is the identity crisis I've begun to noticethat some of my fellow commuters have. It seems to occur mostly with younger women (20-low 30's range) but some men as well. I like call this indentity crisis / phenomenon 'Instant Style', as opposed to 'In Style'.

Instant Style is when a young woman, or man, begin or continue their careers in a high fashion locale. New York City just happens to be pretty high fashion. When they first start their job, i notice the normal garb of a typical long islander. Not bad, just not ultra trendy. As the weeks and months go by however, an entirely new person begins to materialize and *poof*, we have Instant Style. Stiletto boots up to the knees worn with cropped pants.. Sunglasses that grow in lens size by the day. fedora hats.. embellished belts. Basically, take an issue of cosmo pointing out some new fashion trends, and you'll see Ms. Instant Style wearing all of them at once after a few months in the city.

A whole new person is born.. New look, same plain girl (or guy) with a serious identity crisis.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Must you sit on my shoulder?

To the jackass that decided to sit in my cozy 2 seater the other night..

Do you need eyes on your ass? I mean, i know it sounds strange, but seriously.. You look at the open seat.. you decide to site there.. you turn your fat ass around and begin the 'sit down' motion.. but somehow, along the way.. your ass veers completely off track and lands on my shoulder. damn it man!

Then, i straight up call you an asshole, and you act like nothing happened!? Didn't even acknowledge the asshole comment or the fact that you sat on my effing shoulder. Where do people like you come from? To top it all off.. i then had the pleasure of witnessing and listening to you stuff a large order of greasy McDonalds fries into your mouth, 20 at a time. I can't even acurately describe that disgusting sound it made. Damn Pig!

Friday, October 14, 2005


I have serious problems with grown men who decide that sitting cuddled up next to another grown man is more prefferable than having his own row of seating to himself.

point: if there is an open row of seats or a seat that allows you to seperate yourself from another human beings body part, it is your obligation to sit there. stop forcing your homo-erotic tendencies on other poor defenseless commuters. damn.